Second, they should be actively working a program of recovery – attending meetings, volunteering, practicing self-care and so on – not just begrudgingly staying away from drugs and alcohol while addictive patterns fester.These provisos are in place to give addicts a fair shot at lasting recovery and to protect the people they might date from falling for someone who is unhealthy, unavailable or worse.
When they are saying that it was all about the flaws in his ex....well, that is a red flag. i get the desire for companionship...i get the desire to move up in class as far as men.....take it s l o w l y. He said they were together for 8 years but only married for 1 year and a half. So if someone said that their ex cheated because they were infertile, I would think that was a bull**** story. This means that his ex was trying to have a child with a total random man, his ex was okay with maybe being a single mother and having a random man claim he has a right to custody (or however those things work). I already have enough to deal with my kids so I'm not gonna investigate any further into anything right now.
he too is not disentangled from his wife/ex yet either. I have made it clear that I want to take things slow. I am not saying that this is the case, but some men reveal hidden values after they marry because they see their wives as possessions. Again, this may not be the case, she decided to cheat to see if someone could impregnant her but doctors told her that she can't have any babies. Even if his story were true, the fact that he forgave someone for cheating so many times, and choose to be with someone who was choosing such a complicated path to motherhood...
Recovering addicts don’t expect perfection in their partners, having learned firsthand that it doesn’t exist.
And they have committed – in recovery and in life – to honesty and integrity and making decisions in accordance with their values.
But, this takes place slowly, over a period of months..... You probably don't want someone in your life or around your kids anyway who has a problem with what you need to do to protect them.i'd strongly suggest that you slow your roll with the new guy.