The truth is-- he doesn't want a relationship (it's the same as not being ready for one), even with someone as delightful and wonderful as you. Refusing to commit to you is not a good thing, but neither is moving into a relationship at lightning speed.
And you shouldn't waste your time trying to convince him otherwise, because his mind is already set. Relax, you aren't Benjamin Button-- you don't have five minutes to fall in love and have babies.
It's just disrespectful, unnecessary, and abrasive. So, what if your girlfriend has a massive problem, due to past betrayal, with ANY contact with even a friend, who was an ex a while ago. And when, in the past, she has reacted violently and severely to an admissiont that this other person had contacted me in any way shape or form? But to be truthful, this really did strike me as 'supermarket chick-out' fodder. Sure, make a call, be my guest, but don't go looking around. I still have a lot of answers I would like to have and believe you me I have asked him many - but in short "he[was] just not that into [me]" and didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying so. Are you interested in having insight into how you think, and what are your core fears? Unfortunately you really need to turn to the spiritual teachers to get true insight these days.
The fact is, the desire to search thru a phone reflects a deep insecurity and lack of trust. But one needs to face one's fears and akcnowledge them rather than suspect the worst all the time from other humans. And the phone thing -- I have a friend who gets attracted to psycho guys, and they *all* want into her phone. Phones are organised for ease of access, not privacy, so they should rightfully be more private. Just read a long article saying that this is strictly a temporary physiological response that's akin to anxiety, and that using it as some indication of emotional feeling rather than bodily arousal led to serial relationship seeking-and-dumping and a lot of heartache. Glad someone brought this up, no one should decided to be with someone because they give you "butterflies". That always happens in the intial stages of a relationship. This is often why , for me, Psychology sites are not very effective for us to learn from. I suppose its easy to say whatever you want through text/emails - you dont have to mean it and how would the other person ever really know whether it was sincere or not? Have a read what Krishnamurti wrote on relationships: Well it is a surfaced article but dating is also surfaced.
Bake cookies for someone who cares about you--like that friend who slaps you into back into reality (and not the one who tells you that he'll come around, eventually.) I've been in this situation before, waiting it out like an idiot. If your man tells you he loves you or wants to commit to you during or shortly after the first date, something is up.